sometimes i wonder what it would have been like if my family never got tangled up in drugs.
where would i be now, where would they be? dysfunctional as my family may seem, i do love them, im just disapointed, their actions have never proved to be for the best, only for themselves, selfishly. i just wonder how i came about myself, and how i built my character. i have been told numerous times that "its amazing that after everything you have been through, you still have not given up, and your not a horrible person". i know, it should be taken as a compliment, as it is most of the time, but i wonder where i went to get to where i am now. i have honestly not thought about whats made me the person i am. i know i am who i am because of the things that have happened, but what made me become such a strong person, in comparison to the rest of my family? where did i learn to know right from wrong when no one has ever taught me?
sometimes i wish i was able to find old videos of my parents, when they were in "love". im always told that it was the truest form of love people have ever seen. high school sweethearts.
i often wonder if it just disapeared after i was born, and i was the reason for it. i know its not me personally, i never asked to be here..that was their actions that led me to be here, which is great & all, but somehow along those lines and times, what they once had together, left.
i often look back at photos of when i was a baby and toddler, and i can still see a bit of sparkle and shine in their eyes, where they had not yet lost their hearts. along the way as i look further into my younger years, i see the difference in how they were then, to how they are now.
its sad to see. they were just babies themselves when they had me. i doubt either of my grandparents would ever of expected them to live the lives they have lived.
i swear sometimes the start of bad lives comes from the start of a bad home. which makes me wonder why i havent been the same way, but everyone else around me seems to be falling along not caring where they end up, or how they will be. am i just one of the few who have the heart to break through everything and shine? i may not be shining all the time, but somewhere youll always see the sparkle glittering, waiting to come out. it just takes time. its taken alot of time to get to where i am now. i am proud of myself. i dont hear it enough, but i tell myself it, as if it were my family saying it instead. mark my words: i will get to where i want to be and im sure i will struggle, i will break down, i will make mistakes along the way, but when i am finally happy with everything and everything ive done, i can at least say "you were wrong" to everyone that ever thought different. im a survivor.
my entire life ive heard behind my back people saying "she will only end up just like her parents"
"by the time shes 16 she will already have kids and on drugs" "shell be dead or in jail by the time shes 17" "shes never going to amount to much". funny thing is the majority of people who said this were all adults, who never stepped in to show me the way, only prejudged what they thought they already knew. funny thing right? because as an adult if you see something like that, or you think something like that, you would ONLY hope that you would somehow help, being a better person and all right?
no, you all stood around and watched, waiting for me to crumble.
"reach for the moon, at least if you fail, youll still be amongst the stars"
still standing, in whole, few quirks, lots of mistakes, and plenty of lessons learned, im still on it.
where would i be now, where would they be? dysfunctional as my family may seem, i do love them, im just disapointed, their actions have never proved to be for the best, only for themselves, selfishly. i just wonder how i came about myself, and how i built my character. i have been told numerous times that "its amazing that after everything you have been through, you still have not given up, and your not a horrible person". i know, it should be taken as a compliment, as it is most of the time, but i wonder where i went to get to where i am now. i have honestly not thought about whats made me the person i am. i know i am who i am because of the things that have happened, but what made me become such a strong person, in comparison to the rest of my family? where did i learn to know right from wrong when no one has ever taught me?
sometimes i wish i was able to find old videos of my parents, when they were in "love". im always told that it was the truest form of love people have ever seen. high school sweethearts.
i often wonder if it just disapeared after i was born, and i was the reason for it. i know its not me personally, i never asked to be here..that was their actions that led me to be here, which is great & all, but somehow along those lines and times, what they once had together, left.
i often look back at photos of when i was a baby and toddler, and i can still see a bit of sparkle and shine in their eyes, where they had not yet lost their hearts. along the way as i look further into my younger years, i see the difference in how they were then, to how they are now.
its sad to see. they were just babies themselves when they had me. i doubt either of my grandparents would ever of expected them to live the lives they have lived.
i swear sometimes the start of bad lives comes from the start of a bad home. which makes me wonder why i havent been the same way, but everyone else around me seems to be falling along not caring where they end up, or how they will be. am i just one of the few who have the heart to break through everything and shine? i may not be shining all the time, but somewhere youll always see the sparkle glittering, waiting to come out. it just takes time. its taken alot of time to get to where i am now. i am proud of myself. i dont hear it enough, but i tell myself it, as if it were my family saying it instead. mark my words: i will get to where i want to be and im sure i will struggle, i will break down, i will make mistakes along the way, but when i am finally happy with everything and everything ive done, i can at least say "you were wrong" to everyone that ever thought different. im a survivor.
my entire life ive heard behind my back people saying "she will only end up just like her parents"
"by the time shes 16 she will already have kids and on drugs" "shell be dead or in jail by the time shes 17" "shes never going to amount to much". funny thing is the majority of people who said this were all adults, who never stepped in to show me the way, only prejudged what they thought they already knew. funny thing right? because as an adult if you see something like that, or you think something like that, you would ONLY hope that you would somehow help, being a better person and all right?
no, you all stood around and watched, waiting for me to crumble.
"reach for the moon, at least if you fail, youll still be amongst the stars"
still standing, in whole, few quirks, lots of mistakes, and plenty of lessons learned, im still on it.
no matter what road i follow, ill find a way to make it happen.
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