"I never expected life would have been as complicated or dificult as it may have seemed.But quite simply put, it really wasnt as bad as you can make it out to be.Give or take, its what you can make of it, the memories you choose to keep, the ones you kept locked in a skelton closet, dusty, dirty, & deprived from any fraction of truth, the best kept secrets, were never secrets at all, only stories told periodicaly through slow slurs of imaginiative words & deceptions.
If kept simple & as easy as it had seemed, it would have been a rather boring story to begin with.You make up this notion inside your head, that everything has to seem worthwhile, exciting, thrilling at the least, otherwise what sort of life could we possibly be leading. Feeling regretful of the things we didnt do, shamefull of the things we once did, enlightened by the things we have overcome, & scared of the things we may face in the future. so pretentious right? as if you knew the meaning yourselves.
pretending the ignorance & attitudes will bring you further into this oblivious state of mind.making shallow attempts of importance, when really, your just being ignored. In this world, nothing is what it seems, nothing is what it is, or was, or will be. a constant change between whats real and whats just a dream. trying to find yourself somewhere inbetween the reality of it all & what you desire it to be.reality. it should have already smacked you somewhere in the face ages ago, but here most are, somewhere tangled up in lies, ignorance, importance, dreams, and shallow hopes for one another.somehow your still not moving forward, youve just been stuck in the past. reminising about things that never mattered, or if they had, they wont matter years from now. its your life, in your hands, its your choices that put you where you stand now. undefeaded, or shortly defeated. No one is perfect. quit pretending to get ahead of the game. mistakes are made throughout life, frequently. more commonly than hoped or expected. rather than hide the facts than face the truth, come clean with yourself & realize the everything was never perfect and will never be. the postion you are in now, is no where near where you could or should be, had effort, determiniation, and heart been put into the right places. rather than scandalize everything & taste bitter words that only come back to haunt you. imagine years from now, where you want to be. now imagine, years from now, where you will really be. we tell ourselves lies, in desparation, with hopes of overcoming this constant battle of anxiety with the unknown factor of where life may place us. i know its not always the road we choose, sometimes its where we are forced to go, where we have no choive but to move, in order to advance somehow outside of the box. generaly speaking, somewhere down the line, it ultimatly is our very own responsibility that gets us where we want to get going to. sometimes responsibility can be mistaken for fear. its okay. fear builds character, without character, there is an empty space, waiting to be molded. would you rather be molded by the decisions others made for you, or by the ones you made for yourself. no matter where you go, the people stay the same. some more intense than others, others more shallow than expected. its life. when you meet those few far & between people that are worthwhile, meaningful, determined, honest, true, and real...those are the ones you hold onto.some of those people are still hidden benath who they really are, showing some sort of shallow shadow effect of what they want to mold into being, to fit in, to feel important, wanted, loved.face the facts, everybody wants to feel that. & somehow we are all needed. without each other, it would be a long lonesome place to live in. a place where dreams die & misery prevails.
someday, we will look back at those momments we found fun, realize they were fun, but not as fun as we hoped, had it been more honest, raw, and real. someday we will realize nothing was more important, than being true to who we were, are, or had become. keep your eyes open, maybe you might see the truth beyond. maybe you can actually picture the beauty inside everything and what makes you so honestly important to the next person, why you had that effect, and how somehow years later, it made you, who you are now.
define yourself beyond ignorance.
you might be suprised at what you may find.
complete and utter ramblings of nothing important, with no direction, no directed person, place, or thing in mind, just delusional thoughts from insomnia and peace of mind."
something written once before by myself
still amuses me now.
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